


The Craic

by autumn_veela



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cross-Generation Relationship, M/M, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-01
Updated: 2009-06-01
Packaged: 2017-11-28 10:03:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/673176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autumn_veela/pseuds/autumn_veela
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hugo and Seamus are both keeping secrets. What will it take for those secrets to 'come out'?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Craic

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt fest at [](http://hugo-love.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://hugo-love.livejournal.com/)**hugo_love**. I apologise profusely to anyone Irish who might happen to read this. Feel free to virtually slap me/suggest changes if you wish. I totally deserve it.

“ _Why_ , Dad?”

“Because your mother said so. Why else does anything happen around here?”

“Merlin, I’m eighteen years old! You’d think-”

“Well, then, start acting like it! You know how it is. You live in this house, you obey the rules. You don’t like the rules, you find somewhere else to live.”

Hugo could tell his dad was reciting a speech he’d been forced to learn. When he was younger, his dad had been the easy parent, the pushover. Then one day he’d overheard an argument between his parents about ‘disciplining the children’. Unsurprisingly, his mother had won.

“You don’t like the rules either!”

Hugo’s dad moved in front of him and rested his hands on Hugo’s shoulders. His voice lowered, like he was telling an important secret. “Look, you’re right. I don’t. But I put up with them, because I love your mother-” Hugo groaned in disgust and received a warning look. “- I love your mother, and if rules keep her happy then I’m sticking with them. Hopefully one day you’ll know what it’s like, you’ll meet a girl who makes you-”

“Dad! Can we not have this conversation _again_ , please?” Hugo twisted out from under his father’s grip. “I’ll go to the stupid reunion, if you stop talking right now.” Hugo turned and stalked upstairs, leaving his frowning father behind.

People called Hugo immature, and he didn’t really deny that was the case. He worked in a joke shop, for Merlin’s sake, and he had no grander career ambitions. He still lived at home, and considered his Uncle George to be his closest friend. He had never had a girlfriend.

When it came down to it, it was the last part that was the real problem.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Seamus!”

Hugo grimaced as he watched his Dad run to hug a short, squinty-eyed man. He made a mental note to remind him later that running at his age just wasn’t appropriate.

The man hugged him back as veritable word vomit came out of his mouth. He talked fast, excitedly, but besides a cry of “Ron!” Hugo didn’t understand a word he said. He turned towards his mother to find out what was wrong with the man, only to find her chatting to Alastor Longbottom’s mum about the best way to make goat stew.

Hugo stood there stupidly, wishing he’d smuggled in the iPod the Potters had given him for his birthday. Even though Hogwarts had a perfectly serviceable Great Hall, someone had decided that holding the reunion outside would be a better idea. He vaguely remembered his mother mentioning that Mrs. Scamander had done the organising, and it didn’t surprise him at all. The woman had always been one twig short of a bowtruckle. Hugo was trying to work out the best way to sneak home when he spotted two small blond heads in the distance. Of course, Lorcan and Lysander, the world’s creepiest twins. He began to make his way towards them, feeling lighter. Maybe they were weird, but they were far more entertaining than any of his parents’ boring old friends.

The boys were sitting on a bench near the lake, their heads together as they surveyed the gathering and whispered to each other. They grinned at Hugo as he walked up, and in one fluid motion they moved over to make room for him on the bench.

“Hi,” said Hugo, sitting down.

“Hi Hugo,” they chorused, causing a shiver to run down Hugo’s spine.

“So you were dragged here too, then.”

One of the boys looked at him in surprise and blinked. “No, of course not. We wanted to come.”

Hugo raised an eyebrow. “ _Why?_ What are you guys now, twelve, thirteen? How could this possibly be interesting for you?”

They sighed simultaneously, as if disappointed at Hugo’s stupidity. “Thirteen,” the other said. “But that’s beside the point. Don’t you ever like just watching people?”

Hugo thought about this for a second, then shrugged. “Um, not really. People are generally boring.”

“No they’re not. Of course they’re not!” The twin next to him gestured towards the thin, dark-haired woman who was talking to his mother. “Romilda Vane. When she was in fourth year, she gave your Uncle Harry some chocolates laced with love potion. Your dad ate them instead.”

Hugo narrowed his eyes. “Really? What happened?”

“He thought she was the love of his life, for a while. Your mum wasn’t happy.”

“How come you _know_ this? And why would Mum have cared? They didn’t get together until the end of the war.”

“Yes, but your mum fancied him for years. And we know this because we listen, we observe, and we remember.”

Hugo stared at them in amazement. He wasn’t quite sure that he believed them, but at the same time he wasn’t willing to dismiss them entirely. It did sound like something his dad would do. “Okay, then, tell me something about…” Hugo looked around until he spotted a tall black man with a beard. “Him.”

“What, you mean Dean Thomas? You’re making it too easy, Hugo. Surely you’ve heard about Dean Thomas.”

When the twin didn’t go on, Hugo shrugged. “Um, no?”

“He has three wives.”

“What?”

“He has three wives, one in London, one in Morocco and one in Italy. They don’t know about each other. He holds art exhibitions all over the place, so it’s easy for him to get away with it.”

Hugo spluttered. “That’s ridiculous. Even if it was true, how on earth would you _know_ that?”

The twins blinked at him. “Mummy told us. She knows everything. Why else would she run a newspaper?”

Hugo smirked and decided to humour them. “Okay, then. What about Professor Longbottom? What’s his dark secret?”

The twins glanced at each other, looking slightly concerned. “We can’t tell you that.”

Hugo groaned. “Right, I knew you two were loopy. Just ‘cos you’ve got nothing on him…”

They kept eye contact with each other for a moment, and Hugo wondered if they thought they were telepathic.

“Right,” said the one furthest away. “We’ll tell you under one condition. You have to promise not to tell anyone else, or we’ll tell everyone what we know about you.”

Hugo felt a blush creep up from his neck. He tried desperately to act nonchalant. “There’s nothing to know about me. You’re bluffing.”

“No, we’re not.”

They sounded so sure, so certain, that Hugo wondered. It wasn’t like it was that hard to figure out, if someone really thought about it. It just seemed to be his family who wanted to live under a rock. But the last thing he needed was for them to find out from the _Quibbler_.

“Fine. It’s a deal.”

“Neville Longbottom was so scared when he killed Lord Voldemort’s snake that he wet his pants.”

Hugo couldn’t help it. This time a crude burst of laughter forced its way out of him. “That’s a complete load of bollocks! He may be gentle, but he’s a Gryffindor. A leader. Everyone knows how brave he was to stand up to Voldemort by himself.”

“Yes. We’re not saying he wasn’t. We’re just saying a natural bodily reaction occurred when he had to carry out a highly terrifying task.”

Hugo leaned back and closed his eyes. He was starting to get a headache. “You’ve been screwing with me, haven’t you?”

“Of course not. We were raised not to lie. Our parents say that the honesty is always the best policy.”

Hugo was silent for a moment. At least the day wasn’t turning out to be as boring as he had feared. “Fine then. One more, but this time you have to prove it to me somehow.” He looked around the crowd, his eyes finally settling on the man his dad had been talking to earlier. “Him, Seamus I think Dad called him. The one that can’t talk properly.”

The twins glanced at each other again, then back at Hugo, confused. “Can’t talk properly?”

“Yeah. I heard him. Nothing that came out of his mouth made sense.”

Lorcan and Lysander’s expressions turned from confused to horrified. “He’s just Irish! He’s not disabled!”

Hugo rolled his eyes. “I know that. But really, he had to have been speaking a different language.”

“But your father doesn’t know any other languages, so how could he have had a conversation with him?”

Hugo was stumped. “How do you-? Never mind. What’s so scandalous about the little Irishman then?”

The twins both turned to look at Hugo, and he felt vaguely unsettled.

“He’s gay.”

Hugo’s face twitched before he could stop it, and he tried desperately to stay calm. “I don’t believe you.”

One of the boys cocked his head to the side, as if studying Hugo’s reaction. “It can be proven.”

“Really. How? You have pictures of him with his leprechaun lover? Did he have an affair with my Uncle Charlie? Did he decide the _Quibbler_ was the best medium for coming ou-“

“We didn’t say _we_ can prove it.”

“Oh really. Who can then?”

As the twins’ angelic faces stared at him intently, Hugo cursed his genes. Weasleys had always had a tendency to blush at very inopportune times.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Hugo had no idea why he took up the challenge. There was nothing right about it, but those twins were so damned persuasive.

Seamus the Leprechaun was talking to Hugo’s dad again, which made the first part, the starting a conversation part, easy. It was the second part he was really worried about.

As he neared them warily, he could hear Seamus’ incessant chatter, although only the occasional word made sense.

“… Thomas… birds… Casablanca… cunt…”

It wasn’t looking good. Or maybe it was. Maybe the last thing Hugo wanted was to discover the man actually _was_ gay, and then be expected to do something about it.

“Hugo!” Hugo’s dad looked immensely relieved to see him, and hurriedly waved him over. “Hugo, you’ve got to meet my old friend Seamus. We shared a dorm for six years! He was just telling a great story about… er… bird-watching in Africa.”

Hugo was impressed at his own ability to keep his composure. Maybe there was something he was good at, after all.

His dad suddenly gazed off into the distance for a moment, then turned back brightly. “I think… I think Hermione wants me to get her a drink! I’ll be right back.”

From what Hugo could see, his mother was too busy cooing over Fiona Creevey’s new baby to be thinking about Ron and drinking. Ron hurried off anyway, and Hugo and Seamus stood in uncomfortable silence for a moment.

“What’ya do with yerself?”

“Sorry?”

Seamus shook his head. “Me accent has ye all worked up. English-like, then. What are you doing with yourself?”

“Oh! Um, I work at Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes. Family business.”

“Fred and George’s? Those barmy twins.” Seamus paused. “He was a good fella, that Fred. But of course you wouldn’t have met him.”

There was another awkward silence, and Hugo wished he could also come up with an excuse to leave, although he might try a bit harder than his father had. But he could feel two pairs of pale green eyes boring into the back of his head, and they kept him rooted to the spot. “What about you then?”

“I’m a chef.”

“Oh, really? Where?”

“Back in Belfast. Never left, except to come to Hogwarts. Hence the accent.”

“So… you don’t come back much, then?”

He shook his head. “I’ve only been back once since the war. It’s bloody great to see everyone again, I tell ya. You’ll understand one day.”

Hugo wished he had something to do with his hands. They had started to sweat slightly, and he really wasn’t sure how he was going to steer this conversation in the right direction. He decided a fairly direct route might be best. “You married?”

“Eh?” Seamus looked at him quickly, then glanced away. “No, no. Never had time for all that.”

That was interesting. Maybe the twins weren’t complete nutters after all. Hugo frantically searched his mind for something they had in common. The best he could come up with was his father.

“So, you had to share a dorm with Dad?”

“I did. Never met a man since who could make a dutch oven like his.”

Hugo laughed, but the implication of the sentence was not lost on him. Seamus had obviously spent time in bed with men, but he could just be talking about schoolboy tomfoolery. He decided to stick to the ‘dad’ subject for the moment. “Is it true that Dad once took a love potion meant for Uncle Harry?”

Seamus turned toward Hugo and grinned. “Merlin, I’d forgotten about that. Did he tell ya about it, then?”

Hugo wasn’t as shocked as he thought he should be. Maybe those bloody twins were on to something, after all. “No, someone else did. It really happened?”

“It did. It was bloody funny. He’d barely even met the girl, and there he was moonin’ after her like she was Gwenog Jones.”

Hmmm. Five minutes into the conversation and Seamus had already confirmed one rumour, and as good as confirmed another. Hugo was about to open his mouth to ask about Professor Longbottom when he heard his mother’s shrill voice.

“Hugo? Hugo, come over here and meet little Colin.”

And that put an end to that idea.

 

~ ~ ~

 

As the sun began to set, someone annoyingly suggested they make a bonfire and have a proper party. This was clearly a bad idea. Hugo’s mother would stay as long as possible to hear as much gossip as she could, and his father would probably drink so much he’d forget to leave.

Hugo had started on the butterbeer just after he extricated himself from his mother’s grasp. She’d forced him into a conversation with Luella Bones, who had been the year below him in school. She had asked him to the last Yule Ball, and he had said no, and you couldn’t really _get_ more awkward than that. As soon as he could get away he’d headed straight for the drinks table. He was of age. They couldn’t stop him.

Hugo stood there lamely with his butterbeer in hand, wishing it was firewhiskey and hoping to Merlin that something interesting would happen. He watched Lorcan and Lysander quietly make their way amongst the crowd, and now he was aware of their _listening, observing and remembering_ he noticed how nifty they were at eavesdropping. He’d have to make a note not to sell them any Extendable Ears.

The twins reached Hugo and stood in front of him with scarily identical grins on their faces. He had a feeling he knew where this was going.

“So he’s gay, isn’t he?”

Hugo sighed. “I don’t know. He’s not married, and he has experience with men farting, but that’s about all I got out of him.”

“Interesting. You looked like you talked about more than that.”

“Yeah, we did. But mostly just about my dad and jobs and stuff.”

The twins both gave him that knowing look again, though in the firelight it was even more intimidating. “We want you to find out for sure.”

Hugo snorted. “Yeah right, like I’m just going to walk up to him and ask him outright.”

“Why not?”

“Because… because you just don’t _do_ that to a person!”

“Well, then, you’ll have to be more creative.”

“Why should I?”

The twins’ heads cocked simultaneously. “Remember what we know about you. I’m sure there are plenty of people here who would be interested in that piece of information. Especially your parents.”

Hugo stared in disbelief. “You’re _blackmailing_ me?”

“We wouldn’t exactly call it blackmailing. It’s just that you have the power to find out something we want to know. And we have the power to make you do that.”

The way the twin explained it seemed so logical, so matter-of-fact, that for a moment Hugo was almost convinced. And then he realised that he _was_ convinced, because there was no way he was going to let the twins out him at a Dumbledore’s Army reunion. No way.

Hugo clenched his fists and tried to give them his best evil eye. “Fine, then. I’ll see what I can do.”

They wandered off happily and Hugo downed the rest of his butterbeer in one. There was no way he was doing this without the harder stuff, and he headed back towards the drinks table. “Firewhiskey, please,” he said to it, and to his delight it supplied him with a double. He turned around, already lifting the liquor to his lips, and came chest-to-face with the very man he was being forced to pursue.

“Hugo, wee fella! What’s the craic?” Seamus lifted a hand to rest on Hugo’s shoulder, seemingly to steady his swaying. Alcohol seemed to be emanating from Seamus’ very pores.

“What?”

“I said, what’s the- oh, wait, sorry. English-like, English-like. I remember.” Seamus pointed one finger at his head and looked proud for recalling such an important detail. He leaned in closer to Hugo and began to speak condescendingly slowly. “Are… you… all… right… _mate_? How’s that work for yer, then?”

Hugo was very close to speechless. “Um, fine, thanks. How about you?”

“Oh, I’m bloody fantastic. Feckin’ great.” Seamus’ hand slid down Hugo’s shoulder to his elbow, where he gripped it tightly. “Come with me, lad. Come with your Uncle Seamus for a bit. Let’s have a chat.”

Hugo let himself be pulled away from the crowd, and he followed a stumbling Seamus to the deserted bench by the lake. Seamus fell on to it and Hugo sat down next to him. His tumbler of firewhiskey suddenly looked awfully empty.

“Ah, Hugo, Hugo, Hugo. S’what’s it like then, with Ron as yer pa?”

Hugo shrugged. “It’s all right, I suppose. He can be a bit of a knob, but he’s better than a lot of other fathers I know.”

Seamus nodded and produced a flask out of seemingly nowhere, lifting it to his lips and taking a messy pull. “He’s a good mate. A good mate. I miss him, sometimes.”

“You should come back and visit more.”

“That’d do no good, mate.”

“Why?”

Seamus paused at this. He turned to Hugo and looked at him, and he appeared to be trying to focus on Hugo’s eyes. “Can ya keep a secret?”

“Um, yeah. Of course.”

“Ya’ve gotta promise not to tell. ‘Speshly not Ron.”

“Yeah, no problem.” Hugo was used to keeping secrets from his father.

Seamus swayed again as he lost eye contact with Hugo. “I loved him. I loved your dad, every day of my feckin’ life since I were fifteen years old. And what did he do? Went and married H’mione, the know-it-all bint− not bint, sorry, _lady_. The know-it-all _lady_.”

Hugo was too shocked to even notice the slur on his mother. He couldn’t speak. How should he _respond_ to this? How? He had his answer to the twins’ question, but now there were so many more that his mind was reeling.

“My dad… my dad’s not…”

“He’s not, no. Certainly bloody not.”

Hugo was relieved, in a way. Dealing with his own sexuality was hard enough. He did not want to have to deal with his father’s as well. Seamus tipped the flask up to his mouth again and this reminded Hugo that if there was ever a time to drink, this was it. He savoured the firewhiskey’s burn as it ran down his throat.

“I should’na told yer, Hugo. M’sorry. It’s not your problem.”

“No, it’s… it’s okay.” Hugo’s skin was beginning to feel warm now. The firewhiskey was certainly loosening him up a bit. “Have you… did you always know you were gay?”

Seamus snorted. “Worked it out the day I saw your pa bend over to pick up his quill. Gave me the hardest _feckin’_ boner I’d ever had. ‘Twas nothing like thinkin’ about Lavender doin’ the same… Christ, sorry. Ya didn’t need to know that.”

Hugo rubbed his eyes, trying to remove that mental image from his head. “Did you ever see anyone else?”

“I did, plenty,” said Seamus with a grin. “But nothing ever got serious, because I could never get over the bastard.”

“So do you… obviously you’re gay…”

“Very observant of you, sir.” Hugo decided to ignore Seamus’ swaying.

“It’s just… so-am-I.” Hugo wasn’t sure what had convinced him to come out to Seamus, but he’d be betting it was the firewhiskey.

“Huh?”

Hugo groaned. “So am I. Gay… I think. Well, I know, I just haven’t…”

“Feckin’ hell. How’d ol’ Ronnie take that one, then? He were never too tolerant of that sorta thing. S’why _I_ never told him…”

Hugo paused. “He doesn’t know. No one does. Well, except the Scamander twins, and I think my cousins have guessed, but… you’re the first person I’ve told.”

“Does it feel better? Getting it out?” Seamus snorted. “Or _coming_ out, I should say.”

Hugo thought on this as he finished off his firewhiskey. “I dunno. Maybe. I think it helps that you’re… in the same situation. The only other person I know who’s gay is my Uncle Charlie, and he’s not exactly…”

“A good role model? I can tell ya that.”

Hugo groaned in disgust. “Him too? Really?”

“Who hasn’t, lad? Who hasn’t?”

They both fell silent for a moment. Seamus seemed to be reminiscing about something and Hugo really didn’t want to know what, so he blurted out the first thing that came to his mind. “I need another drink.”

Seamus wordlessly held out his flask to Hugo, and he took it gratefully. He tipped it to his lips and let it splash into his mouth, expecting it to be firewhiskey. It wasn’t. When Hugo had stopped spluttering enough to get a word out, he turned to Seamus in disbelief.

“What the fuck is _that_?”

Seamus smirked. “Ulster’s Finest, mate, Ulster’s Finest. Nothing like that piss-weak firewhiskey you lot drink.”

Hugo had certainly never heard anyone describe firewhiskey as “piss-weak” before. Seamus’ slurred speech was really starting to make a lot of sense, now. “Do you drink this stuff all the time?”

“Not really. Only when I’ve got somethin’ to forget.”

Hugo could understand that, in a way. He braced himself and took another swig. It tasted like kerosene.

They sat in companionable silence for a while, watching the silhouettes of the crowd in the firelight. Hugo started to relax as his head began to grow fuzzy and his eyes blurred. He suddenly remembered the question he’d secretly been wanting to ask all night, and decided it was now or never. “Seamus? What’s it like, being with a man?”

Seamus continued staring straight ahead and seemed to think for a moment. When he spoke, his voice was steadier and less slurred. “It’s feckin’ fabulous. Feckin’ great. But I won’t lie to ya, there are some moments when it’s messy as fuck, or it hurts. It’s all a payoff.”

Hugo nodded. He was relieved, in a way. He didn’t want to have great expectations of seamlessly hot sex and then be disappointed when the time came. “When… what about the first time?”

Seamus took the flask back from Hugo and took another large swig. “Mine weren’t pretty. But I did it all wrong, all backwards. Never even sucked a fella off, and there I was lettin’ one stick his cock up me arse. Weren’t a good idea.”

Hugo felt his face flush. He had never heard someone talk so explicitly about these things. He kind of wanted to know more, though. It’d be nice to be able to learn from someone else’s experience. “What about… did he, you know, get you ready?”

Seamus shrugged. “He did, I suppose. But he knew even less than me. We didn’t take the time to…” he seemed to think for a moment. “…practice.”

Hugo frowned. “What kind of practice?”

“Ya know, taking it slowly, using fingers and tongues and all that sorta thing. Preparation.”

“You’d recka…” Hugo had trouble getting the right word to come out of his mouth. “... Recommend that then?”

Seamus laughed. “I would, ‘course. Certainly the best way. You got your eye on anyone ‘n particular, then?”

Hugo’s flush intensified, and was glad that the moon had slipped behind a cloud for the moment. “Yeah, kinda. But he’s older than me. He’s probably done it all already. Although, I don’t even know for sure that he’s gay.” Hugo and Hamish Wood had known each other as family friends for years, but recently they’d been owling each other quite a lot. Hugo’s mother called Hamish his ‘pen-pal’. It made Hugo want to throttle her.

“Well, then, he should know how to do things right. So ya never even kissed a man?”

Hugo frowned and shook his head.

“Practise is everything, just remember that.”

Hugo nodded, but he was still curious. He hadn’t imagined he’d get the opportunity to gather so much information from someone who knew what it was like. Maybe those twins were on to something, after all. “I’m kind of worried about something in particular, though. The whole… oral part.”

“What, blow-jobs? Easy peasy. Just like suckin’ a lollipop. Ya just gotta keep ya teeth away.”

“But… but what about, when he comes and stuff? Does it taste… alright?”

Seamus glanced sideways at Hugo. “’S’not always great. But I imagine it’s better if you really like the person.”

There was silence again, and a bizarre idea popped into Hugo’s head from nowhere. He had an opportunity here. An opportunity to get that practice, to work out what he was doing _before_ he tried to get into Hamish’s pants. And Seamus seemed to be a nice guy even if he was old. He might go along with it. Hugo took a deep breath. “Can I practise on you?”

“Eh?”

“Can I… practise on you?”

“Feckin’ hell, why?”

“You seem nice, and then… then I’ll know what I’m doing when the time comes.”

Seamus took another swig from the flask, then handed it to Hugo. “T’wouldn’t be right. Yer what, _eighteen_? And, Merlin, I’ve just told yer I were in love with yer pa. What would yer want with me?”

Despite Seamus’ knockback, Hugo was suddenly sure that this was a great idea. The answer to his problems. The key to unlocking his confidence. “Come on, it’ll be good. You can show me what to do, and you get a blowjob in return. It’s perfect.”

Seamus handed the flask to Hugo and watched him take a swig. “I’m not saying I wouldn’t _want_ one from ya, mate. But yer pa…”

“I’m sick of talking about my ‘pa’. He doesn’t understand either of us, and he never will. Screw him.”

Seamus was silent for a moment, then nodded. “Yer right. Thirty fuckin’ years. Thirty fuckin’ years wasted because he never loved me back. He can go and screw himself, for all I feckin’ care.”

Hugo took Seamus’ hand excitedly. “Come on. I want to learn. Tell me where to start.”

“Drink,” said Seamus, and Hugo realised that he still had the flask in his other hand. He took a swill then handed it back to Seamus, who seemed to down half of it in one go. He turned to Hugo. “We can’t – we can’t do it here. There’s some trees…” he gestured to their right, where a small copse of trees stood. They seemed like they’d be a pretty effective screen from the party. “C’mon…”

Hugo stood, then almost fell over again as his head spun. Seamus let go of his hand just as he regained his balance.

“You go first, lad, then I’ll follow in a moment. Don’t want to make it too obvious.”

Hugo nodded and headed in the direction of the trees, trying desperately to walk in a straight line. He was sure he hadn’t drunk _that_ much, but then he had always been a bit of a lightweight. He made it into the copse and sat down, anxiously waiting for Seamus to arrive. A few minutes later Seamus fumbled through the trees, seemingly making as much noise as humanly possible. He found Hugo and collapsed to the ground next to him. They both took a pull from the flask again and Hugo found himself giggling. “This is… who would have thought that my first _anything_ would be with someone my parents’ age?”

Seamus snorted. “Shut it. It’s probably best not to think about it.”

Hugo nodded, then they fell into an uneasy silence. Finally Seamus broke it. “Well come on then, before someone notices we’re missing.”

Hugo’s stomach churned. “What do I do?” 

"Usually you’d get each other undressed first, but I don’t think that’s necessary here. I’ll take care of it meself.” He reached down and unbuttoned his trousers.

Hugo watched in fascination as he pulled out his cock and let it hang over his unbuttoned flies. It was, at the moment, small and wrinkled just like Seamus himself. He leant back on his elbows and looked at Hugo.

“Ya can touch it if you want. Or ya can just go straight in with yer mouth.”

Hugo decided to forgo the touching. It looked fascinating, but that wasn’t what he was here for. “I’ll just… do I lick it?”

“Ya can do.”

Hugo crawled over to Seamus and settled himself between his legs. His heart was beating double-time as he prepared to taste another man’s penis for the first time in his life. He bent his head down and stuck out his tongue, focusing on the task at hand. The first lick surprised him. There was saltiness to it, and Seamus’ pubic hair tickled Hugo’s nose. He pulled back and looked at Seamus.

“Just keep doing that for a bit, and he’ll get harder.”

Hugo nodded and bent back down. He was looking forward to Seamus getting hard – it just seemed a bit weird when he wasn’t, like there was no point to it. He worked his tongue up and down the shaft, and sure enough, the cock slowly began to lengthen and harden under his tongue. Hugo paused and looked up to see Seamus watching him. “How am I doing?”

“Not bad. Ya can probably use yer hand on him now, and then just suck gently around the head.”

Hugo brought his shaking hand up and tentatively touched the hard penis in front of him.

“You’re a bloke, aren’t ya? Y’know he won’t break.”

Hugo couldn’t help but smirk as he tightened his grip and slowly began to move his hand up and down. It was bizarre, doing this to someone else. It was nothing like doing it to yourself, due to the angle and the lack of feeling. Hugo watched with interest as a small drop of precum appeared at the tip, shining in the moonlight.

“S’good. Don’t stop that, but use your mouth.”

Seamus’ encouragement was appreciated and Hugo leaned down again. He gently pressed his lips to the bulging head and let it slip between them. It was so much smoother and silkier that Hugo had been expecting, but he grimaced as the drop of pre-come collected on his tongue. Seamus had been right. The taste was definitely not the best part. Nonetheless, he sucked on the head, being careful to keep his teeth covered. Seamus drew in a breath sharply, and Hugo wondered for a moment if he’d done something wrong.

“Yes, keep doing that.”

Hugo did, amazed at the reaction he was getting. Seamus groaned, and Hugo felt a definite stirring in his own groin.

“Ya can go harder.”

Saliva began running down onto Hugo’s hand as he increased the suction, his cheeks aching slightly. He began to move his lubricated hand faster, causing Seamus to moan loudly. Hugo’s free hand drifted to the bulge in his own trousers and he tried to undo the buttons with one hand.

“Deeper!”

He did as Seamus asked, gagging slightly when the cock hit the back of his throat. This made Seamus’ hips jerk, and Hugo pulled his mouth off for a moment. He needed some air and his jaw was aching. “Sorry,” he said, making sure to keep his hand moving up and down.

“S’alright, s’alright. Take yer time. Yer doing bloody well.”

Hugo smiled and took the cock back in his mouth, this time sliding down as far as he could go without gagging. He soon reached a steady rhythm, although little pangs of pain shot up the side of his jaw.

“Keep doin’ that. Keep doin’ that.”

Hugo wasn’t sure how much longer it was until Seamus exploded, but he proudly noted that it was not a very long time. Seamus stiffened and thrust upwards, and all of a sudden Hugo’s mouth was filled with a warm, alcoholic saltiness. Hugo had no idea what to do with it, so he let it dribble from his mouth onto Seamus’ slowly softening cock.

Seamus lay back for a moment with his eyes closed, then opened one to peer at Hugo. “Sorry, mate. Shoulda warned ya. ‘Twas a bit rude of me.”

Hugo blushed. “That’s all right.” His cock was still hard and he tried to surreptitiously palm it, hoping that Seamus wouldn’t notice. He crawled out from in between Seamus’ legs and lay sprawled out next to him. Seamus moaned and rolled over onto his side, not bothering to do up his trousers. They lay there in silence for a moment. Hugo was trying to work out how he could get away to wank, when suddenly there was a loud snore next to him. Seamus was asleep. So it was definitely true what they said about men after sex.

Hugo grinned to himself in the darkness as his hand worked its way over his aching cock. His first blowjob. He had done it, and Seamus had liked it. It felt good to have that first notch on his belt. His hand began to speed up as he remembered the moaning, and the feel of that head in his mouth, and how great it would be if Hamish let him do the same one day. Or, better yet, did that to _him_. Hugo came quietly into his hand, then lay back as the world spun again. Merlin, he was tired. He was sated and drunk and exhausted, and suddenly there was nothing more he wanted to do than to fall asleep.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Hugo, are you okay? Are you okay, Hugo?!”

Hugo moaned as consciousness slowly forced its way into his head. Whatever he was lying on was hard and uneven, his mouth was coated with a layer of fuzz that _really_ didn’t taste right, and the light that was filtering through his eyelids was just _so cruel_.

“What the fuck have you done to him?”

“M’sorry, Ron. I shouldn’t have! It was stupid, we were drunk…”

The meaning of this exchange slowly started to make sense, and Hugo tried to open his eyes. It hurt. Merlin, it hurt, but the world slowly swam into focus. The first thing he saw was his dad’s face, twisted with rage, and his steady arm which brandished his wand. It was pointed directly at Seamus.

“Dad? It wasn’t… he didn’t do anything to me.” Hugo’s mouth wasn’t working properly, and he struggled to sit upright.

“Bollocks! Both of you are here with your todgers hanging out, and you expect me to believe that! I always knew it Finnigan, I always knew you were a lunatic!”

“Dad! He didn’t _do anything_ to me! I did it to him!”

His dad looked like he’d been slapped in the face. Hugo slowly and painfully pulled himself to his feet, wincing as his head pounded mercilessly. “It was my idea. Seamus didn’t want to at first, and I convinced him…”

“Why?” Hid dad’s arm had started to shake, although he still held it pointed at Seamus.

“Why do you think, Dad?” Hugo couldn’t think of a worse time to have this conversation, but he wasn’t going to let his dad hex Seamus’ bollocks off. Ron was silent, looking between Hugo and Seamus in disbelief. “I’m gay.” Hugo had always wanted to look his father in the eye when he said it, but now an interesting spot on the ground seemed to demand his attention.

“So am I. I shoulda told ya before, Ronnie, I’m sorry.” Hugo turned to look at Seamus, kind of relieved that his dad’s attention was taken off him for a moment. When he looked at his dad, his wand hand had dropped, and he looked truly crestfallen.

Hugo’s stomach had never been kind to him, and now was a particularly cruel moment for it to decide to empty itself of its contents. So it did. Spectacularly.

Once his dad had vanished the vomit, he sighed wearily. “So… no one’s hurt here, then? Besides the hangovers.”

“No,” said Hugo. “We’re both fine.” His stomach lurched again.

“Well, you might want to put the little man away then, Hugo.” His dad spoke as if he was six years old again, and Hugo was shocked that he would refer to Seamus like that in front of him. “I really don’t need to see it.”

Then Hugo’s face burned as he realised his dad was talking about his cock, which was still hanging out of his trousers. There were white stains on the surrounding fabric. He quickly put it away then pulled his t-shirt down as if to cover the crotch. His dad thankfully put the wand away, and when he spoke next, he was using his Auror voice. Business-like.

“Seamus, I’ll speak to you about this later. Hugo, I’m taking you home. Your mother’s worried sick. She thought you’d fallen in the lake.”

Hugo barely had time to wave goodbye to Seamus before his dad was marching him away.

 

~ ~ ~

 

The cup of tea went down surprisingly well, especially after his mother had produced a hangover potion in the middle of it. Hugo was huddled at the kitchen table, trying to avoid making eye contact with his parents.

“I don’t understand why you felt you couldn’t tell us before,” said his mum for the thousandth time.

Hugo shrugged again, and took a sip of his tea. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, it just came as a bit of a surprise.”

“Maybe to you, but not to everyone else, apparently.”

His dad glowered. “Seamus? Why Seamus, son? I can’t believe – I didn’t even know he was _gay_! And I lived with him for six years! You know, I always thought that out of everyone, Dean would be the one who ended up being a poof.”

“Ron!” said his mother, swatting at an arm.

Hugo lifted his head. “Dean? You mean Dean Thomas?”

“Yeah, of course.”

Hugo couldn’t help it. Everything from the last day just merged into one hilarious experience. The twins and their gossip, Seamus being in love with his dad, his first blowjob. Coming out in the least elegant possible way. He burst out laughing, sloshing his tea onto the table. Once he had calmed down slightly, his noticed his dad staring at him in bewilderment and his mother trying to hide her own smile.

Hugo wiped the tears from his eyes. “One day, Dad, I’m going to introduce you to the Scamander twins properly. They could really teach you a lot about the world.”


End file.
